My list of dedications to him, the only one that matters.

1.) Eurythmics - When tomorrow comes.

And you know, that I'm gonna be the one, who'll be there when you need some one, when tomorrow comes.

2.) Adele - One and Only

I know it aint easy, giving up your heart.

3.) Kelly Clarkson - I want you

Hot temper with the shortest fuse, you're such a mess with an attitude.... I want you.

4.) Will Young & Gareth Gates - The long and winding road.

 You left me standing here, a long long time ago. Don't leave me waiting here. Lead me to your door.

5.) Florence + the Machine - Cosmic Love

Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too. So I stayed in the darkness with you.

My list random shit.

1.) I am, right now, wearing an I <3 MyChart sticker.

2.) Sometimes, I forget to put my car in gear and put the emergency brake on. Sometimes, this results in my car rolling into traffic. Ok, it only happened one time... leave me alone.

3.) The oxygen level in my blood is 97%. I think the other 3% is nicotine and tar. Either way, my oxygen level is better than Travis Smart.

4.) I've been going out on dates. Im not sure I really wanna date, but I'm going out none-the-less.

5.) I do not like female condoms.

My list of things that made my weekend GREAT!!

1.) Swim party with my family. Sure, I may have been shit balls drunk. But, it was great. I had a great time. Thanks, Nan!!! And next time... a date will come in tow.

2.) A fantastic date last night. Great guy. Very good looking and some wonderful conversation. I had a great time.

3.) Spending quality time with my kids.

4.) Having once agian a fantastic time with my family. The swim party was great, but just being with my family. I don't know if it was the booze, but being with all o' them, I think it was the first time I've really felt happy in a while.

5.) Watching Katie Holmes die in that dreadful "Don't be afraid of the dark" movie.

My list of facebook status updates, if I still had facebook.

1.) This is a gift. It comes with a price. The scales must be balanced.

2.) I was a heavy heart to carry.

3.) Why did I wait so long to download the Florence + the Machine album.

4.) Who is to be my Denna?

My list of things D'Nell and I will discuss at dinner.

1.) Why D'Nell is hung up on someone else's vaccination beliefs. D'Nell and I will discuss. I am sure I will laugh my ass off as D'Nell explains this one.

2.)My religious awakening or crisis of faith. Or, maybe, its a crisis because I'm having faith. Who knows. I think this will take most of the time. I know D'Nell and she loves to talk about stuff like this.

3.) The dreaded friend dumping. I did this. We will discuss.

4.) I will answer the question D'Nell posed that I told her I wouldn't answer.

My list of things I am pondering.

1.) Do I actually owe him what he wants? I, based upon our history, don't think I owe him a god damned thing. But, he seems to think I owe him ________________. I don't think I do. And yet, I'm pondering.

2.) Does participating in a special fast, mean I agree with the reason for the special fast? 

3.) Why are somethings so hard to figure out, but once you "get it", you think "well, thats not so hard?"

4.) Why, when you know a new way of thinking is a healthier way of being, does your brain resist it so hard?

5.) Did I intentionally make this list cryptic and confusing? What do you think?

My list of things of which I am proud

1.) Six a day. Six a day, people. Little victories, but I am going to take it. That means a smoke every three hours. And sometimes, at the end of the third hour, I am not fit for human interaction. But, none the less, six a day.

2.) Some recent emotional/psychological/mental breakthroughs.  I done figured some shit out Chick-a-dees. Time to let some things go. I've had some pretty significant moments where things are just clear. My life is not all completely fixed and perfect, but I can see a path towards happiness. When I was in seminary a teacher once said that it was moments like these when the veil was lifted, if only for a bit. I recently found out my father has been adding my name to the prayer roles at the temple. Maybe its helping, because I think God is listening. Why do I think this, you ask? Because God (or somebody up there... maybe the Arch Angel Michael cause he seems like a bad ass.) and I have been a'talkin.

3.) Surviving the storm.