This list is participatory. I would like answers or thoughts on the questions from you.
1.) In a few short weeks, I will turn 32 (and surprise, surprise, Kimberly... Im not freaking out about it). Over this 31st year of my life, I determined that I am an adult and as an adult I can choose what I want to do. I no longer, as a 32 year old, no longer will do things out of a sense of obligation or guilt. If I want to, I will. If I don't, I wont. Is this a correct thought? Have I earned the right to make up my mind and accept the consequences? Or, are there things, even as an adult, that I don't get a choice on? You will suck it up and do it.
2.) Follow up to question one. My Grandmother expect a hug hello and a hug goodbye every time I see her. Up until recently, I've begrudgingly complied with this. We played the game of me being annoyed but still doing giving the hug and gets what ever satisfaction out of that. I do not want to be forced to give her, or anybody, a hug. If I want to hug, if I feel the hug is appropriate, I'll do it. If I don't want to hug, I wont. I feel I have earned the right to make this decision. My Grandmother feels, that after her 80 some odd years, that she has earned the right to be hugged every time I see her. Which one of us is correct? Is this one of those things that I don't get a choice on? I hug her hello and goodbye, I suck it and do it just because she is Grandmother?
3.) I have an older brother. For most of my life I have felt as though I lived squarely in his shadow. He always had the teachers in school before I did. Went to Jr. and High school before me. Drove before I did. I caused a bus accident because I didn't want to be behind him. I felt his shadow loom the largest and the coldest when it came to cub and boy scouts. Back when I was a cub and boy scout, when ever you received your merit badge (Wolf, Bear and the others for cub scouts and tenderfoot, life star, first class and eagle for boy scouts) your mother also received a small pin. My mother pinned her pins to her jacket which she wore with pride. My older brother always got the merit badges first and his pins on my mothers jacket were always on top. My pins were on the bottom... below his. My pins were never first. I gave up scouting all together when my brother received his Eagle Scout award. There was no need for me to continue. The race I was running with him was over. He had won. His eagle pin would be pinned on top. I gave up. I have felt his shadow across my life. Recently, I started another race with him. A race that I thought I had a chance to win. I was going to get "there" first. He does not know we are racing... its only in my brain. Last night he told me that he got farther in the race than I ever have. He didn't finish it yet, but he is closer than I. Once again, his "pin" will get pinned on top. Should I be jealous or happy for him? Should I let it go? How can I stop running the race?
3 comments:
I have many things I want to say, however I think it should be said over drinks on my porch! Tell me when, my friend...
Josh, I really liked this post a lot. My advice:
As an adult you can do whatever you want. Everything that is besides hugging your grandma! Come on give the lady a break she is 80 she has been an adult longer and therefore wins. Your brother on the other hand, may have been an adult longer but keep running! You deserve to win!!!!
I enjoyed this post (email). I actually thought about it for awhile. Yes, you should be able make your own choices. BUT even I, the one who hates hugs more than most, still lets my grandpa hug me. And the last time I saw him I realized how soon he will be gone. I actually made an effort to take pictures of him with all my siblings.
I don't think I am in a position to give advice about your race with your brother. Being the oldest I might have created this same situation with my sister...but I'd be interested to hear what you decide.
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