My list of things that totally ruined my Tuesday.
1.) Attending a conference that was a complete waste of time and had no bearing on my job.

2.) Attending a conference that reminds me of what I should be doing.

3.) Hearing other people talk about how great they are. I am instantly bored if we are talking about how great anybody else but me is.

4.) Telling my boss, "we need to talk." The talk will be good - but I am nervous now.
5.) Having to pretend to give a shit when new people talk to me. Lets just not be freinds, Ok?

My list of things that you should stop doing.

1.) If you happen to have a vending machine take a dollar, or so, of yours and not give you candy after words STOP putting on those ridiculous "This machine owes me 75 cents." signs. Really? REALLY? Its a dollar, at max. I can see it if you lost a $50 dollar bill... but a dollar.. suck it up and move on!!!!!

2.) Never never never ever ever EVER ask your training class instructor for a break because you "need to go pump". This is called an over-share and is information your trainer does not need. You wouldn't say "Can we take a break because I'm going to have explosive diarrhea" so why announce that you need to go pump.

3.) When somebody orders a bowl of soup from you... you should probably never EVER serve it to them in a large coffee cup. This is generally considered rude and really irritating.

4.) If you are turning in a resume to be seriously considered READ the damn thing and make sure there are no frackin' typos in it.

My list of personal quirks that have become a giant pain in my ass.

1.) My complete lack of patience. I'm not kidding kids. Patience is a virtue that the good lord... or lords... or whom ever saw fit to bless me with. I have none.... and really... its really becoming more of a hindrance. If only everybody else would think like me... then my lack of patience wouldn't be such a big deal.

2.) Being a Cancer. Cancer the crab... a water sign... which means I am deeply emotional... although you would never know it. The flip side is I hide from everything that I find dangerous or poses a threat. In my case, those items are usually professional. I should do things, but I don't because I don't want to rock the boat. I'd prefer to hide under my desk and let it blow over. Generally, this means I wait for things to get better.

3.) Being a Cancer on the cusp with Leo. Cancer the crab mixed with Leo the line = the king who cries... A LOT. I am affriad of the spot light... but secretly I want everybody to LOVE me... or at least notice me. If they don't, I'll get freaked out and begin questioning why.

4.) My boat load of body image issues. Seriously, ya'll... think about little cancer the crab who just wants to be loved mixed with Leo the lion who demands to be adored. I just wanna feel pretty and have you like me. And also think I am super hot. I think of all of them, this personal quirk limits me the most.

5.) Spending time looking backwards. I find myself looking backwards at what might have been... A LOT. Keeps one focused on the past. Not fun.

My list of things I am tired of doing

1.) I am tired of lying to myself by telling myself that this will get better. Its been a year, and it feels as though it has gotten progressively worse.

2.) I am tired of pretending, to myself and others, that this is was anything other then a big mistake. I place no blame for my decision on anybody else but me. One of you will read this and feel bad... Please don't. You were trying to help and I appreciate that. The decision was mine, and I take full responsibility for it.

3.) I am tired of trying to convince myself that she actually cares and is trying to make this better for me. She has had opportunities... she hasn't taken them.

4.) I am tired for feeling that, for the past 368 days, I have been completely and totally stalled, with no forward progression. If you wanna know for sure... I actually feel like I've gone backwards.

5.) I am tired of hoping for something that will never come.

My list of things I was reminded of today

1.) Being friends with my boss was a great thing.

2.) I still find the miracle of child birth amazing. I didn't say beautiful... I still think its ugly... but the process of making a child and what the body does is amazing.
3.) That was a good place to work.

4.) Trying to remember to not throw your retainers away is hard.

5.) It feels great to have a boss that is actually invested in my personal and professional growth.

My list of things I want to say:

1.) "You lied to me, and you know you did... and you should feel sorry about it."

2.) "I know I pretend to care, but really, I don't, at all. In fact, I couldn't possibly care any less.

3.) "I"m done, I'm gone, I'm out."

4.) "Its finally over. I will never have to do that again."

5.) "Lets just not be friends anymore."

My list of things I hate about business travel

1.) Being alone. I know, I get it... in most cases I enjoy my own company more than yours... but traveling by ones self = suck.

2.) I can never sleep well on the first night of the trip. This means that the first day of training = suck. Get me to the coffee.

3.) Not having any idea, AT ALL, where I really am. I have no clue. I am in Madison Wisconsin, where ever the hell that is... but other then that, I feel lost. Hmmm... sounds remarkably familiar to my life right now.

4.) No rental car and nothing to do around the hotel. Even if I wanted to go do something, there is nothing to do.

5.) Feeling guilty about being. Not so much fun to come to training when you totally feel guilty about it. Opps.