My list of things I am feeling right now.

1.) Worried. I know, I know. Worry, on a psychic level, is wasted energy. But, Im still worried.

2.) Excited.

3.) Confused as all hell.

4.) Slightly scared.

5.) Slightly optimistic.

My list of things I am, right at this moment, excited about

1.) Friday night

2.) Tomorrow night's dinner with D'Nell. It done be Melting Pot time again, Ya'll.  Bring on the cheese.

3.) My new Christmas CD from Josh A.

4.) Almost being done with my Christmas shopping.

5.) John Shupe and his foot fungus.

My list of my favorite things about Burlesque

1.) Cher.

I mean, really. She was fantastic. And, we all know that I love me some Cher... but she was really great in this role. REALLY great. I loved her in the show.

2.) Jack

This guy. I could have spent a lot more of this show looking at this guy. For reals. He done be pretty... eyeliner and all. Don't believe me... lets just check out exhibit A.

or Exhibit B

I honestly have no idea who in the hell this guy is... but really? Good Lord. And yes, Jack, I am interested in that box of cookies.

3.) The Burlesque Lounge. Yes, I know the Burlesque could never really exist... but how cool would it be if it did. Fun Fun Fun!

4.) Christina.

Christina wasn't that bad. I was expecting a train wreck. I was pleasantly surprised.

5.) Stanley Tucci

Im pretty sure I am going to see any movie with this fella in it. I always love him. Always. He is great.

My list of things I don't understand

1.) My love affair with Katy Perry that is happening right now.

Yes, I know... she was part of the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show and that helped... but I've been loving her for a while. I didn't so much with the first album... but this second time around. I am really loving it. Plus, in her new video for Firework, this happens: 

and who doesn't love that. I would love to have fireworks shoot out of my chest... and just think of all the dates I would get.  I don't get it... but I LOVE her right now.

2.) Why I have still yet to see Burlesque.

UUUUhhhhhhmmmm... I don't get it either. This weekend...this weekend it will happen. Don't hate me, Cher. Please!!!!!

3.) Men who stay home from work when their wives are sick. I don't get this. I just don't. I have been pretty sick before, but still able to function. Plus, when Im sick... Im not doing a whole hell of a lot... Im lying there... usually moan and sometimes vomiting. Do I need someone to stay home and help me with either one of those items. NO.  I would not ever expect someone to stay home to take care of me... and yet, at least in my office, men stay home to take care of their sick wives all the time.

A list of my favorite things about the season.

1.) The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. I know, I know, I KNOW. But, I really do like it. In fact, I thought last nights fashion show was one of the better ones. The music was good. The set was great. The models all looked good. I just really really REALLY love the fashion show. And the 2 Million Dollar Bra was pretty.

2.) The holiday adds and such on TV. For what ever reason, I kind of like them. Maybe its just the reminder of Christmas. I"m always a bit sad come December 26th when you don't see those adds anymore.

3.) The fact that I can count on going to the Melting Pot with D'Nell for dinner. It seems to me that we save the Melting Pot as a special December treat. This year is no exception.

4.) Buying things for myself and claiming they are from the dog. What? I'm pretty sure Baxter wants me to have that vest.

My list of things that made me happy this weekend.

1.) New friends.

2.) The snowy day. I love it when it snows all day. It seems so nice to just stay in as it snows and snows and I can just stay all cozy in my pajamas and do nothing but let the earth get covered.

3.) Getting some Christmas shopping done.

4.) Sales at Express where things are 45% off. UHHHHHHHHHH.....

5.)  Hanging out with the in-laws of my in-laws. Go figure that out.

My list of things I can't decide

1.) Get an iPhone or an iPod touch. I hate my blackberry. HATE. I need a new phone. I've been thinking that when I get a new phone I would just get a regular old flip phone. I also need a new iPod. So, I was thinking about getting an iPod touch... but realized... if I want the iPod touch... why not just get the iPhone. Probably would save me some money because I'm not buying both items.  But, I just don't know.

2.) What to get him for Christmas?

3.) What to get myself for Christmas? One could say, "Why dont' you ask for things for Christmas?" Nope, I'd prefer not to be let down... I'll just buy things for myself.

4.) Did I like the most recent installment of the Harry Potter movies?

My list of things which perplex me.

1.) It has been brought to my attention, A LOT lately, that I am unapproachable. Or, that I give off an unapproachable attitude. Even when I'm trying to be all nice and approachable. This Sunday, I made a big attempt to appear NICE and APPROACHABLE and apparently, by someone who witnessed said attempt, I failed miserably.

2.)Is this true? Do I really put off an unapproachable vibe?? Really?

3.) I always find myself wonderfully charming and funny. How is it possible that other people do not see that? Michael says I give off the vibe on purpose. That I knowingly put it out there that I am not approachable. Does that mean I get some level of satisfaction appearing unapproachable to people?

4.) How many people see through my bullshit?

5.) Is it important for me to appear unapproachable to people? Could I let that go?

My list sad things.

1.) One year ago right now we were on the cruise. It was wonderful and a fantastic adventure. Im sad that it was a year ago. Good news, we are planning a cruise to Alaska. Well, correction... I am planning the cruise to Alaska... he is just invited to come along.

2.) Measurements today. Ugggeth. Taking a month off really set me back a bit.

3.) Still a wee bit sad. Im slowly getting back to me. The good news is I know how to get back to me... in fact... an even better me. I just seems like such a long process.

4.) "Speaking your truth" sometimes is a lot harder than one would think.

My list of stuff I am excited about

1.) My last day of this all day training nonsense.

2.) A story I heard today that shows me that there is still good left in this world.

3.) My upcoming Alaskan Cruise. I haven't really booked it yet... but I know I am going some time next year.

4.) My new outlook on life. Its all about speaking your truth.

5.) A really good Tarot Reading last night. Thanks Aspen.

My list of good things

1.) Going to see Thriller. Hello Mummy. How are you today? All is well. Good to hear. Can I just take a bite out of your ass? Thanks.

2.) Having a good and emotionally freeing weekend. Catharsis is fun.

3.) Knowing that we've had years and years to change and grow up and mature... things will NEVER change between Aspen and I. 

4.) The book The Passage. I done like it, ya'll.

My list of things for which I am thankful.

1.) Being a friend of Margaret Ruth. This is a wonderful woman and spiritual guide. Everyone should be so lucky to have a spiritual guide like her.

2.) The first chapter in Margaret Ruth's new book. One thought in that book unraveled a whole mess of stuff for me. One easy squeezy thought that makes my world so much easier.

3.) Hot coffee.

4.) Finally being finished with a big mess of a goal I was working on. I completed it yesterday morning and thought "Yay.  Now what?"

5.) The Kenneth Cole Grommett collection.

A list of my favorite things


1.) Just a Guy by BC Jean. Fantastic. Love it.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=So7yMzzMreg

2.) Modern Family on ABC. Seriously, this show be some funny shit. The funniest I've seen in a long time. I love it. LOVE IT.

3.) Jesse Tyler Ferguson. Love his character on Modern Family... plus I think he is kind of SEXY.



4.) And speaking of SEXY







Hello Tom Ford. Do you need me for anything... like to be your boyfriend. Because I'll do it. I am available if you need me.

--

My list of my favorite things about this season


1.) The chill in the air. I don't know why... but I always like it when the air gets that first chill in it. Where it is ok to go home, put on some pajama bottoms and a sweat shirt, grab a blanket (a purple afghan, if you will) and spend your night reading.

2.) Pumpkin Spice Lattes make a come back. Not that I drink them, but if I did... I would be in heaven.

3.) A month or so away from the flannel sheets going back on the bed. A little known fact about me... I like sleeping with weight on me. The heavier the better. So... thin little cotton sheets from the summer don't cut it. Flannel sheets, a comforter, a duvet and a quilt to get me through the winter nights.... all of that on me... HEAVEN.

4.) Jacket season. I love my jackets.

5.) Stephen King always releases in the fall.

My theme song... for right now:

1.) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ACiLJ-AGK8

My list of songs I'm playing over and over again right now.


1.) Rocket by Goldfrapp

2.) Strip Me by Natasha Bedingfield

3.) Stronger by Brittany Spears

4.) Since you been gone by Kelly Clarkson

5.) Burned with desire

My list of things I covet... Covet, I tell you. COVET!

1.)

I really am in love with these boots right now. I kind of/really REALLY want them. REALLY want them.

2.) This fantastic Wool Baseball Jacket from Express that for some reason I can not upload a pic right now. I love Love LOVE it. I'm thinking it will become my winter coat this season.

3.)

I'm coveting some sort of cruise right now. I really want to go again. Some where fantastic... and warm.

4.)

I have always... ALWAYS loved the Woodie Wagon. And, I happen to find this one super sexy and cute. The White Wall tires... I just love it.

My list of things I wish I could say.

1.) You were right. You don't even know, but you were right. You don't even know how right you are. But you were right. I was to stupid or clueless to see it. I know you probably wont read this... but you were right.

2.) I lied.

3.) I am sorry.

4.) I miss you. I miss my friend.

5.) Don't worry. Tomorrow it will be better.

My list of things I learned yesterday.


1.) Looking in a mirror that is reflecting your life is hard. Its hard to see your life actually reflected back. You can cover your life for so long but ultimately you have to look at it.


2.) Doing what I did, because of what I was most affraid of, only served to keep me in a situation where all I have is what I am most affraid of.


3.) I spent a lot of energy and time keeping people far away from me... and right where I wanted them.


4.) Sometimes, you hear things, and you really can't 'unring that bell'.

My list of hard things on the horizon.

1.) Sitting on my hands and letting what is coming... come.

2.) Not playing the tilt. I've never, EVER been good at not playing the tilt. This time, the tilt will not win.

3.) Making it through this weekend.

4.) Tuesday at 2:00.

A list of my wishes


1.) My wish, for her, is comfort and peace. She is so brave. Far braver that I could ever be. She has faced something so difficult. Selfishly, I don't think I could have done it... and yet, she did it... does it selflessly. I cannot give her assurance. I wish, though, for her to find comfort and for her to find peace, somewhere, in this scary time of "What If".

2.) My wish, for him, is to know. To know how much I love him. To know how much I value his friendship. To know that shooting zombies is one of the best memories I have. To know that my life is a better place with him in it. To know that I admire him for the husband he is and the father he will be. To know that my heart breaks every time his does. To know that he is one of the greatest men I know... and one of the best frieds I have.

3.) My wish, for them, is happiness. They have earned it. They deserve it. And, I want it for them so bad. If I could do anything to help I would. I hope they know that.

~In the book that is my memory, on the page that begins the chapter of the day I met you [both], appear the words 'Here begins a new life.'

xoxoxox ~ I love you both!!!!

I covet

1.)

2.)

3.)

4.)

5.)

My list of great things.

1.) Finally being honest with a true friend. He deserved a lot better than I ever gave him. He deserved to know everything from the start. He had every right to never speak to me again. Instead, he withheld judgement, saw me at my most vulnerable and was a great friend. Thanks for everything, Man that Ruined Everything!!!! I said it Saturday and I'll say it again... Im happy, that after 5 years, we are where we are. xoxo!!!!

2.) Life going from this

to this

Still some bumps... still some up and downs... but I AM GOOD Ya'll.

3.) Plans, Plans and Plans. Ok, I get it. As Eric says "You are a control freak." And yes, I like to plan things. When I am planning things, I feel as thought things are back under my control. When I have things back under my control I feel at peace. And a Josh at peace is a good Josh.

4.) Alcide being back on TrueBlood. And if you've forgotten who Alcide is... here is your gratuitous reminder.

 Alcide, so nice to see you again.

The finale was not OK... but you, Alcide, are always welcome.

5.) Supernatural Season 5 out on DVD. Winchester boys... here I come.

My list of things I would save if my house caught fire.


1.) Baxter, the dog.

2.) The Dark Tower. I couldn't live with myself if Roland burned.

3.) The picture of us at the melting pot. Its one of the few of us together.

4.) The body pillow. Ima need something to cuddle with.

5.) The Marilyn Merlot. And the Norma Jean Merlot. This will require many trips. Good thing my house wont burn that fast.

My list of things I do not miss about working out in the evening

1.) Eye-watering foot odor in the locker room. Ok... maybe this only happened tonight but f'reals. That was awful. AWFUL. You need to get your self some socks buddy. Or an ability to smell your revolting self.

2.) The lack of equipment. When I am here at 0600 I have my pick of the equipment. I don't like to wait my turn.

3.) No-neck douchers who spend most of their evening pondering that image of their preening self in the mirror. You tell 'em, Carly.

4.) The constant fight with my desire to say "F" It and go home.

My list of my favorite DC memories. 

1.) Seeing the ruby slippers. Yes, I admit, I totally queened out over the ruby slippers. Ok... lets be honest... I queened out over the ruby slippers and seeing the first lady inauguration gowns. But, it really was the ruby slippers. I felt, though, that they should have been in more of a ceremonial place in the Smithsonian. They were just kind of sitting out amongst other less important things... like Kermit the Frog (who is smaller than I thought) and Archie Bunkers living room. But, yes, I got to see the Ruby Slippers.

2.) Walking the National Mall with Eric. We just had fun. We were laughing and joking the whole time. And, even though I was a total tourist and wanted to take 17 pictures of everything, he never got annoyed and told me to hurry. He just let me history nerd it up and take all the Photogs I wanted. Even at the end, when we were both tired from walking 8 miles, we still had fun.

3.) The Holocaust Museum. This is interesting to put this as a favorite memory. It wasn't fun. I didn't laugh. I don't even know if I would go again. But, the Holocaust museum was such a powerful, intense experience I had to put it on the list. It was an incredible experience. I learned a tremendous amount... about that period in time... and about group think... the power of authority and persuasion...and about mankind can treat each other. The Holocaust museum was an intense experience that I'll not soon forget. Thank you, Eric, for sharing it with me.

4.) Friday night and the night on the town. I'll admit, I thought I wasn't going to like it. I don't normally do the bar scene. But this, for various reasons, was a good night and I had a lot of fun.

5.) Seeing the "The Raising of the Flag at Iwo Jima" memorial. This meant a lot to me.

Do you suppose James Stewart will sit by me on the plane?

My list of things I am excited to do in DC

1.) Hang out with Eric. We done going to do this town up right, ya'll.

2.) See the National Mall. Apparently, they do not have a Kenneth Cole at the National Mall and I am a tad bit disappointed by that. But, they have other stuff to see... like monuments and stuff.

3.) Visit the Holocaust museum. I've wanted to go to the Holocaust Museum since I heard about it how ever long ago. This will probably be a complete and total debbie-downer... but hopefully we can still get in. We will probably just go at the start of the day and then take a bucket full of mood elevators when we are done. Yay mood elevators.

4.) Visit something called "The Harris Teater".

5.) Witness the couch for my own two eyes. I'll not pass judgement on the couch until I have seen it. But once I have seen it... judgement will be passed.

My list of things you should not assume about me.


1.) That I am a dog person. I have a dog. I like my dog. MY dog. Just because I own a dog and like my dog does NOT mean I like your dog. Your dog could be a butt-hole for all I know. I like my dog. Thats it. I'm not a dog person.

2.) That my ego is so fragile that I need you to agree with my opinion... even if it is obvious that you do not.

3.) That staying thin comes easy to me. It doesn't.

4.) That I want, or some how need, your unsolicited opinion.

My list of things I need to do 

1.) Friend dump someone. I have a person in my life... well, now that I think about it, several people in my life that I no longer want in my life. I need to figure out a way to dump them. I really am no longer interested in having any form of communication with these people... PERIOD!! But, I am guilt ridden and I don't want to make them feel bad. Why, you may ask, am I taking ownership of their feelings? The easy answer is I don't know. And yet. Anywho, any suggestions??

2.) Visit the chocolate shop.

3.) Study for my class this afternoon. I really don't want to study. AT ALL. And yet, given the train wreck that was yesterday's class.... I best study. And yet... Oohhhh... shiny thing.

4.) Watch an episode or two of Archer or maybe the ten I still need to watch. I have a feeling there might be a quiz or two coming up and I don't want to fail. I really want to pass. 

My list of things about AVATAR




1.) It was pretty. I'll give it that... the movie was pretty.



2.) Unobtainium???? Come on James Cameron. Give your audience some credit.



3.) Why-o-why was the robot outfitted with a robot sized machette?



4.) If they have sex with their hair, how do they use condoms? Thanks Eric. Also, they used that same thing to tap into the animal... ICCKY.



5.) Sigourney Weaver was cool. It was nice to see her again.

My list of things I hate


1.)

Crock pots. One meaning... but tied to two different reasons why I hate crock pots. What ever you put in those things just stews there... all day... until you open it up and hope that it doesn't poison you. They just seem like a breeding ground for poisonous gas and/or food borne pathogens.


2.) The word 'Veggie'. I am comfortable saying I hate the word 'Veggie'. A close friend of mine recently told me that he finds it cute and endearing when I get caught up in the minutiae. I politely informed him that my seething hatred for all things Taylor Swift should not be called 'Minutae'. I bring this up, because my hatred of the word 'Veggie' should, also, not be categorized as minutiae.


3.) Pressing linen pants.


4.) Stumbling across an old forgotten about pic on my old cell phone... and having a total melt down.

My list of questions

1.) What the bloody hell was that? This is in regards to the movie "Inception". I went to see this movie last weekend and Im still not entirely sure I got it. There were some dreams happening, there was Juno, there was some cool zero gravity fighting, there was super cute this fella



but mostly, there was just a whole hell of a lot of confusion.

2.) Did I knowingly, and willingly, pay to go see a Leonardo DiCrapio movie? Did I really?


3.) Will I actually see it this time? You may or may not be aware but AVATAR is being rereleased. I am going to go see it. I AM. I promise. I'm doing it.


4.) Wanna start some form of office poll slasha place bets on the changes that I will actually see AVATAR?

My list of things that made me feel successful today.


1.) 30 Pull-ups.

2.) 50 Push-ups.

3.) 50 Straight leg dead lifts.

4.) 50 Windmill/Ab Crunches

5.) 50 Box Jumps

My list of good things

1.)

Are you kidding me????????

My list of good things that happened today


1.) The class went better than expected. Don't get me wrong, the class was a complete El-Nightmare-o, but it actaully went better than I thought. Michael handled it with ease. I would have broken down crying.

2.) I got a new song for the playlist. It done be a good one ya'll.

3.) Finding out I can wear jeans to work tomorrow. I don't know if the person who told me I can wear jeans has the right to approve this for me... but I'm doing it anyway.

4.) Nikki found herself a man. Sure, he was a 24 year old BYU grad. Sure he was a complete doucher. Sure, he looked like a return missionairy in his white button up shirt and ugly tie. Sure, he is a fan of that hot tranny mess known as Taylor Swift (he clicked 'Like' on Taylor Facebook page). He does have some glaring red flags. But, Nikki is a 30 year old spinster now. She doesn't have time to be choosey. Go get him, Nikki, Go Get HIM. Im serious... he might be your only option left.

A list of my favorite things.

1.) The final episode of BattleStar Galactica. I know, I know... you are all probably tired of hearing about this show. But, that is only because you didn't watch it. Had you watched the show, you would realize how wonderful it is. And, I watched the final episode yesterday and I was a MESS. About 15 minutes in to the episode I started crying... and I didn't stop crying for the remaining 90 minutes. It really was some great TV. I've been thinking a lot on it. A LOT. 

2.) The President and the Admiral.

I know I am a softie at heart... but the story of these two was wonderful for me. It was soft and subtle (usually) and I loved it.

3.) This Fella

Lee Adama... or Jamie Bamber... you make me go weak!!!!

4.) This lady

I did love the sixes... in all her many forms.

5.) Weeds season six starting tonight.

My list of things you should not do with me.

1.) Get me drunk on Tequilla. It is not pretty. DO NOT do it. 

2.) Speak to me while I am reading. I've mentioned this before. But now that I have a Nook in my hands, people think its Ok to strike up a conversation about the nook. NOPE. Still not Ok. I am still reading. DO NOT speak to me if I am reading. Don't!

3.) Beller at me from across a parking lot and expect me to answer.

4.) Ride The Tower of Terror with me. Unless you are prepared to hear a string of profanity that would make a sailor blush... do not ride Tower of Terror with me. Just don't.

Memo:

Dear friends, family, colleagues, frenemies, assholes, and slow walkers-

Somewhere in the Bible (past the part forbidding the mixing of different textiles) the Baby Jebus/John Lennon decrees "There is a season turn, turn, turn..."  and then proceeds to list several things that come in and out of season.  Here is the list (roughly paraphrased):

1.  A time to be born, a time to die
2.  A time to sow, a time to reap
3.  A time to laugh, a time to weep
4.  A time to botox, a time to age gracefully
5.  A time to stroll leisurely across the street, a time to hurry the fuck up
6.  A time for big hair, a time for small hair
7.  A time to chat, a time to leave me the HELL alone.

For today's scripture study, I would like to focus on item #7 because several of you seem to be struggling with it. If I answer your call, your IM, your text message, your telegraph, or your carrier pigeon (or if I initiate any of said communiques) it means it is time to chat.  ON THE OTHER HAND, if I ignore you, I am not playing hard to get and encouraging you to try harder.  I need you to STFU and, as our Lord put it, leave me the HELL alone!!!

Don't take it personally.  It's me, not you.  I am probably manstrating and really it's for your own good.  But just to make it clear, leave me a message and MOVE ON.  It's the fucking Information Age and I will get back to you when I am in a better emotional place.  Your repeated efforts to unsuccessfully contact me but successfully irritate me will not speed that process.

Thanks very much-
Josh

P.S.  People who walk slowly through the crosswalk while I am making a left turn, please see #5.  Old people who drive in my blind spot, please see #1 having clearly failed #4.

My list of things the suprised me today


1.) My job totally changing. I really don't know what is going on with it right now. I really have no idea. Its frustrating.

2.) A found camera cord and all that came with it.


3.) Stella. I guess I wasn't so surprised. D'Nell and I have had good luck this whole year of newness. Stella didn't let down.

My list of things I'm going to miss




1.) Her nonsense and foolishness.



2.) Stealing cokes.



3.) All the things we did... just for funsies.



4.) A standing lunch date.



5.) A song to greet me each morning.

My list of good things that happened this weekend.

1.) Getting completely smashed on Friday night. A bottle of Pinot Grigio later and this girl was tanked. I'm pretty sure a series of bad things happened in my drunken state. I may hang my head in shame and embarrassment. And why do I hang my head... why did bad things happen? Because I had no gummi bears around to protect me.

2.) My lunch with Marc. Marc-y always makes me feel better. Always! He done be my bestie ya'll.

3.) Making, finally, a decision to take action. And, I'm surprisingly not freaked out about it. 

4.) Hanging out, for a bit, with my family. The swim party was fun. I looked good. I left.

5.) Finally raising the Squidgy.

http://www.sfgate.com/chronicle/acrobat/2010/08/04/Prop-8-Ruling-FINAL.pdf?tsp=1

My list of locker room no-nos.

1.) Putting your gym bag in front of my locker. Actually, putting your gym back in front of any locker that isn't yours. There is a rather large dressing room outside of the showers. I'm all good if you don't want to rent a locker. Go for it. But STOP depositing your shit in front of my locker. Now, I have to move it. And believe me, I'm getting less and less nice when I have to move your stuff. People use the lockers don't block them with your shit.

2.) Putting your gym bag, or other paraphernalia, on the stool(s). Those stools are provided for folks to sit on when they are done with their work out and are trying to undress. It is not a table. STOP using it as such. Seriously. You can see me balancing on one foot, trying to take my shoes off with out falling over and you keep your bag there. You inconsiderate A-HOLE. 

3.) Sing or whistling. Any kind of musical activity does not belong in the locker room. For reals, I don't want to hear it. And, its kind of creepy. And by 'kind of', I mean totally. Stop doing it.

4.) Walking from the shower to your locker without toweling off. WTF? Would you do this at your house? Roam around, dripping wet, completely nude? I think you probably wouldn't. So, just because somebody else must come in and mop up after your dumb ass, it is ok to do this? REALLY? Or, are you just that stupid?

5.) Trying to engage me in conversation. We all know, I do not engage in conversations in the mens room. I find it skeevy. Guess what, there are toilets just down the way in this locker room so this now counts as a mens room. I don't want to talk. Also, I am naked (or close to it) and you are naked (or close to it) and I have no... NO desire to speak. NONE. Don't try to talk to me.

My list of things I care about.




1.) My playlist. I have a playlist, chick-a-dees. A song gets added to it everyday. They are good songs. They make my day better. I look forward tomorrow's song... and the next day's.



2.)



This ship. This ship is falling apart and I'm having a hard time with that. Its interesting, though, how the ship is a metaphor for the show and what is happening on it. It was a good series, ya'll. I'm excited for the wrap-up... but SAD. The bright side is, no more BSG posts, I guess.



3.) The fact that my dog does not have an ear infection. Good news, ya'll... but he did have a whole mess of earwax down there. Who knew, dogs get ear wax? Ick.



4.) Nationwide Wi-Fi, apparently.



5.) Telling Michael how happy I am that he is back.

My list of good things

1.) A long over due phone conversation with a good friend. It was really fun to chat about nothing... but laugh while doing it. Plus, he may have talked me down of the ledge of horror I am currently on. 

2.) One of my best friends gets back from vacation tomorrow. I've missed him. This place has been the suck with him gone.

3.) My best gay friend telling me I could model underwear for him anytime. This was fantastic. Its good to know that Marc thinks I still got it.

4.) The gang is getting back together tonight. At least I think the whole gang is getting back together. Now I just hope the whole gang is in a good mood or Eric may have to up and cut a bitch.

5.) Being disturbed and creeped out by the book I am reading. Its been a while since this has happened. But one sentence at the end of the second chapter really disturbed me. This is going to be a good book.

My list of professions I would like to try.

1.) Tarot Card Reader. I can read the cards, we all know this. I would like, one day, to do it for a living. I don't know if reader counts as a career in the strictest sense... but its my list, chick-a-dees.

2.) Public Relations. 

3.) Cruise director. When I was on the cruise, it looked like this person had a ton of fun. I think I would be good at this... if I didn't have a general disregard for most people.

4.) Math Teacher. So then I could go to math conferences and be a hot math nerd.

5.) Underwear model. Mostly just because I want the body.

-- 

A list of my favorite things.

1.) My Barnes and Noble Nook. I'll admit, I thought I would hate using a reader for a long time.  But, I can honestly say, my Nook is one of my favorite things. I heart it.

2.) "Do I need a flying mount to get there?" Love it. I must remember, though, that a few short months ago that was me asking those same stupid questions.

3.) The nuclear luanch that was detected. So excited for this.

4.) My continued adventures with Roland. This is only the second time I've read any thing past Wizards and Glass. I'm excited to go back on these journeys with Roland and his crew.

5.) Alcide's ass. Didja all see this? You should have. Holy Shit. It was beautiful.

San Francisco... Open your Golden Gates

There's Brooklyn Bridge, London Bridge, 
And the Bridge of San Louis Rey 
But the only bridge, that's a real gone bridge, 

Is the bridge accross the bay 

My list of fantastic early birthday presents.

1.) The birthday card I received last night. It was funny. It was catty. It was very touching and very sweet. I cherish it. When I asked about something included in the card, something that he obviously knew I liked, his response was "I knew that because I listened." Whoa. That stock just went up. Thanks... Pookie??

2.) The porn-face pic that was sent to me this morning. I know you wont believe me, person who sent the picture, but I really do think you look HOT in that picture. Totally sexy, totally masculine... totally do-able.

3.) The birthday pictures that were just sent to my phone. My wife done knows how to make me have a happy birthday. No train wreck here... just Hotness.

4.) Lunch with my four closest... and John. Thanks all of you. I love us... and I love us when we are together celebrating me.

5.) The bittersweet gift that came this morning.

My list of TV Shows I do not like.

1.) Scrubs. I have never been able to understand the appeal of this show. I have watched episodes. I never find them funny and I find all of the characters completely unlikeable. And that main character... absolutely revolting.

2.) Family Guy. I have been know to watch family guy... I've even chuckled a time or two... but for some reason I just don't like the show. Mostly, I don't like that flashback scene that they do every 5 or so minutes. It just doesn't work for me.

3.)Seinfeld. I was never, ever, able to understand why people thought this show was so funny. I can probably count the full episodes I've seen on my fingers. I did, though, see the final episode. That piece of mess was dreadful

4.) Any of the CSI shows. Miami, though, was the worst.

5.) The Hills.

My list of True Blood people whom I would NOT hook up with.

1.) 

Arlene. Nope. I would not hook up with this complete and tragic mess.  Mostly because she has two kids... and she is awful.

2.)

\

Sam's dad. I mean really... this alcoholic.  C'mon. Plus his real name, I just found out, is Cooper Huckabee. Uhhh... enough said.

3.) 

This hot tranny mess. Unless by hook up you mean ram a stake through her heart... nope I am not interested at all in this. Get rid of it. You may get rid of all of the ugliness that is Lorena.

4.)

This nightmare. I think the writers are trying to play him up as sexy... but crazy. But, he just done be ugly. With weird chest hair and no pecs. Please keep its shirt on and a bag over its head for every scene it is in in the future. Thank you.

5.) Debbie Pelt. No pic.... sorry. Now, we all know I am in love with Alcide. What in the HELL is he doing with this white trash piece of redneck garbage known as Debbie Pelt. She had feathered hair and bangs, ya'll. She done even have herself a root situation. What? What? What? Why would Alcide be in love with that?

My list of things I do care about

1.) The Photographer pants. Seriously, ya'll, the photographer pants. Black like slacks... cut like the jeans that make my ass look grand. love Love LOVE.

2.) Kellan Lutz

Hello, Kellan. How are you today? For reals???? Kellan... how is this possible? Im noticing he's kind of lacking in the legs... and the face sort of doesn't do it for me.... but like the vampires on true blood... I wanna do real bad things to him!!!! And, while looking up pictures of Mr. Lutz I found out he is a Calvin Klein underwear model now.  Have fun with that information... I'm looking at you, Marc.

I mean honestly!!!

3.) Looking really cute today. It was important for me to look good today... its a good thing I did.

4.) Baxter the dog.

5.)

This guy... yeah... thats right. I made the list today... and the list is always about me.  Deal with it bitches... or just look back up at Kellan some more.

My list of things I do not care about.

1.) Emmy Nominations. They were announced today. Let me guess... the cast of glee was nominated for everything and oh my GAWD they are going to win everything. Neat-O. I don't care.

2.) One more thing about your personal life. You know who you are. You may think I care. You may think I've invested a great deal in caring about your life. I don't. AT ALL. Period.

3.) Answering my phone. We have discussed my phone rules. We know I do not like to talk on the phone. There are some people who I will talk to... but mostly... no. I don't like it. I don't care to like it. Don't be hurt when I don't answer. P.S. I may have also just not been around my phone and I don't care to hear you whine saying I never answer.

4.) Children. Do not ask me to babysit... or make one for you. Just DON'T... it will end badly.

5.) Global Warming. Scorched earth for this girl. I'm not having babies. Burn this sucker to the ground is what I say. I'll be long dead when the rest of you poison the shit out of this place.

My list of good things

1.) The pants incident. Lets just all be O.k. to admit that I have body image issues. We've discussed it before... it will come up again. Lets not freak out and tell me I look skinny or blah blah blah... I have body image issues. Anywho... I've been feeling larger lately and therefore, not been feeling good about myself. So, I put on some pants yesterday and they are tight and I have to suck in to button them up. They werent tight and uncomfortable all day... but tight enough that they felt tight. But not tight enough that they felt to small... you know.. like when you see the person in pants you know are way to small and you know that button is holding on for dear life because if it lets go, it will rocket of the front of those pants with such speed and force that if any body were to get in its path they would be severely hurt... the pants weren't that tight. Anyways, I was bugged about this situation because I felt as though I larger. Uggg. I wear the pants for most of the day and then check them out when I take them off. I notice that they are a size smaller than my normal size. Thats right... smaller. I can still fight into the small jeans. This was glorious.

2.) My personal banker Marc. He takes care of me. He knows what keeps me happy. He's planning a reality show about me called "Its all about me." I love Marc.

3.) Pandora Radio. I have created quite the fantastic radio station. Its much like Chill on Sirius Radio. Either way... loves it, does I.

4.) This new blog I was sent "Hyperbole and a half." Check it out... it done be funny, ya'll.

My list of things I like to look at.

1.) 

Hello, Eric Bana. Does your shoulder hurt? Does it need a massage? It doesn't? Well, mine does... so start rubbing.

2.)

This view of San Francisco, from the municipal pier, has always been (and always will be) one of my favorite views of that city. Especially at twilight, as when this picture was taken, right when the city starts to sparkle. A look over your right shoulder will show you the Golden Gate Bridge... just beginning to twinkle in the night sky. Further to the left, Coit towers reigns with the bay bridge behind her. The beach and the embarcadero span and curve up to your left and all of it is reflected in the water. I always find standing out here so peaceful. You can almost hold the the whole city in your hand, and you can see the city is active and moving... and yet you are somehow removed. Only the sound of the surf and your thoughts about that beautiful city to keep you company. I love it here.

3.)

I always feel my heart jump a bit when I see the Kenneth Cole store in San Francisco.

4.)

Uhhhhh.... Who ever this is that is now on True Blood. Are you kidding me? This show is just crammed full of gorgeous... now if the writers could only find a way to kill off Sookie the show would be perfect.

My list of things I want to do 

1.) See Tina Turner in concert. This woman is a she-ro of mine. Watch her concert DVD from her last concert tour. She was sixty years old. This woman is living proof that it is not about age, its about attitude. Plus, I've always enjoyed her music. I want to see her live. I hope she comes to Utah on her current tour... if not, I'll be going to see her.

2.) Visit New York City. I've never been. I would really like to go. It sounds like such a fantastic city. Nowhere close to my city by the bay... but still nice.

3.) Become friends with a celebrity.

4.) Get a milkshake... for no other reason than to just get a milkshake.

A list of your responses




1.) As an adult, yes, I get to choose what I want to do. This was the expected response. With age comes the maturity to make ones own decisions and then deal with what comes next.



2.) Split decision here. Most of you said even though I am an adult we, there are still things one must do. Hugging ones grandmother for example. Others of you said, If you dont want to, dont. I don't know what I choose yet. I'm having a hard time with my motivation for choosing not to hug my grandmother.



3.) I am running a race, but I'm the only one running it. Kimberly wins the award that most struck home to me. She said my brother and I are both running a race, but we are on different tracks. The tracks may be very close together, but we are running a different race. I've been thinking a lot about this race concept, and even though Kimberly compared it to Nascar, I'm taking it back to a foot race. When I originally asked the question, I was seeing my brother and I running a foot race with him always a half a lap ahead and I was never able to catch up. With the situation that I originally refered to, I saw myself closing that gap, even pulling ahead. But Kimberly got me a'thinkin'. All of a sudden, my brother was removed from my image of the race. There I was, out on the track, running as hard as I could to catch up to something that isn't even running. All of a sudden, Josh is alone on the track, running as hard as he could, to win a race that nobody else is running. This drove me to another thought, that really, the only person I'm racing is me. I haven't figured this all out yet... but I'm running to catch me. Those of you who "know" me, know I bring a bucket full of insecurities where ever I go... maybe stemming from the pins on the coat, who knows... but maybe this time, Im running just to beat me. Maybe I get to win the race, even if my brother finishes his race first.



4.) The velveteen rabbit says "Once you believe you're real, you get to be real." Maybe, just maybe, Careen and I will get to be real together some day.

My list of questions. 

This list is participatory. I would like answers or thoughts on the questions from you.

1.) In a few short weeks, I will turn 32 (and surprise, surprise, Kimberly... Im not freaking out about it). Over this 31st year of my life, I determined that I am an adult and as an adult I can choose what I want to do. I no longer, as a 32 year old, no longer will do things out of a sense of obligation or guilt. If I want to, I will. If I don't, I wont. Is this a correct thought? Have I earned the right to make up my mind and accept the consequences? Or, are there things, even as an adult, that I don't get a choice on?  You will suck it up and do it.

2.) Follow up to question one. My Grandmother expect a hug hello and a hug goodbye every time I see her. Up until recently, I've begrudgingly complied with this. We played the game of me being annoyed but still doing giving the hug and gets what ever satisfaction out of that. I do not want to be forced to give her, or anybody, a hug. If I want to hug, if I feel the hug is appropriate, I'll do it. If I don't want to hug, I wont. I feel I have earned the right to make this decision. My Grandmother feels, that after her 80 some odd years, that she has earned the right to be hugged every time I see her. Which one of us is correct? Is this one of those things that I don't get a choice on? I hug her hello and goodbye, I suck it and do it just because she is Grandmother?

3.) I have an older brother. For most of my life I have felt as though I lived squarely in his shadow. He always had the teachers in school before I did. Went to Jr. and High school before me. Drove before I did. I caused a bus accident because I didn't want to be behind him. I felt his shadow loom the largest and the coldest when it came to cub and boy scouts. Back when I was a cub and boy scout, when ever you received your merit badge (Wolf, Bear and the others for cub scouts and tenderfoot, life star, first class and eagle for boy scouts) your mother also received a small pin. My mother pinned her pins to her jacket which she wore with pride. My older brother always got the merit badges first and his pins on my mothers jacket were always on top. My pins were on the bottom... below his. My pins were never first. I gave up scouting all together when my brother received his Eagle Scout award. There was no need for me to continue. The race I was running with him was over. He had won. His eagle pin would be pinned on top. I gave up. I have felt his shadow across my life. Recently, I started another race with him. A race that I thought I had a chance to win. I was going to get "there" first. He does not know we are racing... its only in my brain. Last night he told me that he got farther in the race than I ever have. He didn't finish it yet, but he is closer than I. Once again, his "pin" will get pinned on top. Should I be jealous or happy for him? Should I let it go? How can I stop running the race?