My list of songs I'm playing over and over again right now.


1.) Rocket by Goldfrapp

2.) Strip Me by Natasha Bedingfield

3.) Stronger by Brittany Spears

4.) Since you been gone by Kelly Clarkson

5.) Burned with desire

My list of things I covet... Covet, I tell you. COVET!

1.)

I really am in love with these boots right now. I kind of/really REALLY want them. REALLY want them.

2.) This fantastic Wool Baseball Jacket from Express that for some reason I can not upload a pic right now. I love Love LOVE it. I'm thinking it will become my winter coat this season.

3.)

I'm coveting some sort of cruise right now. I really want to go again. Some where fantastic... and warm.

4.)

I have always... ALWAYS loved the Woodie Wagon. And, I happen to find this one super sexy and cute. The White Wall tires... I just love it.

My list of things I wish I could say.

1.) You were right. You don't even know, but you were right. You don't even know how right you are. But you were right. I was to stupid or clueless to see it. I know you probably wont read this... but you were right.

2.) I lied.

3.) I am sorry.

4.) I miss you. I miss my friend.

5.) Don't worry. Tomorrow it will be better.

My list of things I learned yesterday.


1.) Looking in a mirror that is reflecting your life is hard. Its hard to see your life actually reflected back. You can cover your life for so long but ultimately you have to look at it.


2.) Doing what I did, because of what I was most affraid of, only served to keep me in a situation where all I have is what I am most affraid of.


3.) I spent a lot of energy and time keeping people far away from me... and right where I wanted them.


4.) Sometimes, you hear things, and you really can't 'unring that bell'.

My list of hard things on the horizon.

1.) Sitting on my hands and letting what is coming... come.

2.) Not playing the tilt. I've never, EVER been good at not playing the tilt. This time, the tilt will not win.

3.) Making it through this weekend.

4.) Tuesday at 2:00.

A list of my wishes


1.) My wish, for her, is comfort and peace. She is so brave. Far braver that I could ever be. She has faced something so difficult. Selfishly, I don't think I could have done it... and yet, she did it... does it selflessly. I cannot give her assurance. I wish, though, for her to find comfort and for her to find peace, somewhere, in this scary time of "What If".

2.) My wish, for him, is to know. To know how much I love him. To know how much I value his friendship. To know that shooting zombies is one of the best memories I have. To know that my life is a better place with him in it. To know that I admire him for the husband he is and the father he will be. To know that my heart breaks every time his does. To know that he is one of the greatest men I know... and one of the best frieds I have.

3.) My wish, for them, is happiness. They have earned it. They deserve it. And, I want it for them so bad. If I could do anything to help I would. I hope they know that.

~In the book that is my memory, on the page that begins the chapter of the day I met you [both], appear the words 'Here begins a new life.'

xoxoxox ~ I love you both!!!!

I covet

1.)

2.)

3.)

4.)

5.)

My list of great things.

1.) Finally being honest with a true friend. He deserved a lot better than I ever gave him. He deserved to know everything from the start. He had every right to never speak to me again. Instead, he withheld judgement, saw me at my most vulnerable and was a great friend. Thanks for everything, Man that Ruined Everything!!!! I said it Saturday and I'll say it again... Im happy, that after 5 years, we are where we are. xoxo!!!!

2.) Life going from this

to this

Still some bumps... still some up and downs... but I AM GOOD Ya'll.

3.) Plans, Plans and Plans. Ok, I get it. As Eric says "You are a control freak." And yes, I like to plan things. When I am planning things, I feel as thought things are back under my control. When I have things back under my control I feel at peace. And a Josh at peace is a good Josh.

4.) Alcide being back on TrueBlood. And if you've forgotten who Alcide is... here is your gratuitous reminder.

 Alcide, so nice to see you again.

The finale was not OK... but you, Alcide, are always welcome.

5.) Supernatural Season 5 out on DVD. Winchester boys... here I come.

My list of things I would save if my house caught fire.


1.) Baxter, the dog.

2.) The Dark Tower. I couldn't live with myself if Roland burned.

3.) The picture of us at the melting pot. Its one of the few of us together.

4.) The body pillow. Ima need something to cuddle with.

5.) The Marilyn Merlot. And the Norma Jean Merlot. This will require many trips. Good thing my house wont burn that fast.

My list of things I do not miss about working out in the evening

1.) Eye-watering foot odor in the locker room. Ok... maybe this only happened tonight but f'reals. That was awful. AWFUL. You need to get your self some socks buddy. Or an ability to smell your revolting self.

2.) The lack of equipment. When I am here at 0600 I have my pick of the equipment. I don't like to wait my turn.

3.) No-neck douchers who spend most of their evening pondering that image of their preening self in the mirror. You tell 'em, Carly.

4.) The constant fight with my desire to say "F" It and go home.

My list of my favorite DC memories. 

1.) Seeing the ruby slippers. Yes, I admit, I totally queened out over the ruby slippers. Ok... lets be honest... I queened out over the ruby slippers and seeing the first lady inauguration gowns. But, it really was the ruby slippers. I felt, though, that they should have been in more of a ceremonial place in the Smithsonian. They were just kind of sitting out amongst other less important things... like Kermit the Frog (who is smaller than I thought) and Archie Bunkers living room. But, yes, I got to see the Ruby Slippers.

2.) Walking the National Mall with Eric. We just had fun. We were laughing and joking the whole time. And, even though I was a total tourist and wanted to take 17 pictures of everything, he never got annoyed and told me to hurry. He just let me history nerd it up and take all the Photogs I wanted. Even at the end, when we were both tired from walking 8 miles, we still had fun.

3.) The Holocaust Museum. This is interesting to put this as a favorite memory. It wasn't fun. I didn't laugh. I don't even know if I would go again. But, the Holocaust museum was such a powerful, intense experience I had to put it on the list. It was an incredible experience. I learned a tremendous amount... about that period in time... and about group think... the power of authority and persuasion...and about mankind can treat each other. The Holocaust museum was an intense experience that I'll not soon forget. Thank you, Eric, for sharing it with me.

4.) Friday night and the night on the town. I'll admit, I thought I wasn't going to like it. I don't normally do the bar scene. But this, for various reasons, was a good night and I had a lot of fun.

5.) Seeing the "The Raising of the Flag at Iwo Jima" memorial. This meant a lot to me.

Do you suppose James Stewart will sit by me on the plane?

My list of things I am excited to do in DC

1.) Hang out with Eric. We done going to do this town up right, ya'll.

2.) See the National Mall. Apparently, they do not have a Kenneth Cole at the National Mall and I am a tad bit disappointed by that. But, they have other stuff to see... like monuments and stuff.

3.) Visit the Holocaust museum. I've wanted to go to the Holocaust Museum since I heard about it how ever long ago. This will probably be a complete and total debbie-downer... but hopefully we can still get in. We will probably just go at the start of the day and then take a bucket full of mood elevators when we are done. Yay mood elevators.

4.) Visit something called "The Harris Teater".

5.) Witness the couch for my own two eyes. I'll not pass judgement on the couch until I have seen it. But once I have seen it... judgement will be passed.

My list of things you should not assume about me.


1.) That I am a dog person. I have a dog. I like my dog. MY dog. Just because I own a dog and like my dog does NOT mean I like your dog. Your dog could be a butt-hole for all I know. I like my dog. Thats it. I'm not a dog person.

2.) That my ego is so fragile that I need you to agree with my opinion... even if it is obvious that you do not.

3.) That staying thin comes easy to me. It doesn't.

4.) That I want, or some how need, your unsolicited opinion.