My list of things I enjoyed today

1.) The doughboy

 

He's not a doughboy, but for some reason I started calling him that.  Man-o-man, is he cute.

2.) Not feeling like a total newb at the gym today.

3.) My journal.

I've started keeping a journal. I've decided to document, in real time (sorry blog readers), my feelings about the mind/body transformation I am going through. The journal is close by at all times. God forbid I ever lose it.

4.) Bob Harper

 I was looking for some motivation, as I've been a bit discouraged lately, and so I went to Bob Harper's website and I'm sorry... I just can't help but enjoy staring at pictures of this man.  I mean... really!!!! And Jillian is looking pretty hot too. And, apparently she is a lesbian now.  Good for her.

Love is a dangerous drug.

My list of sexy beasts.

1.) Matt Nathanson

Im kind of thinking that Matt Nathanson is the hottest thing on two feet right now. I mean, really... he sings, dances and is funny. He seems really cool and I might be in love with him.

2.) Chris Helmsworth

Those eyes. That scruff. That body. Perfection

3.) Thor

Those arms, that chest, those eyes, the scruff. Perfection. And yes, I know it is the same guy. But Thor is hot in his own ways.

4.) Elijah Wood

I don't know why, but I've always had a thing for Elijah Wood.

5. Adam Levine

The tattoos. The Chest. The furry body. The face. I just have a hard time getting over his gorgeousness.

My list of things I enjoyed this weekend.

1.) Free comic book day. Saturday was free comic day and it was a lot of fun. I saw some old friends and picked up a couple new books. It was great.

2.). Thor. Enough said.

3.) Visiting with my old friends, Roland, Jake, Eddie and Susannah

So, almost one week in on the rediscovering myself journey. My friend, Careen, had her own similar journey and she called it the year of Eat, Pray, Love. I know there is a book by the same name. I didn't read it. But, Careen's journey allowed her eat more, love more and pray more. My journey makes me eat less, I still don't love many people and I never pray. So, I guess our journeys aren't that similar.

Its almost been a full week without a cigarette. Chantix is a wonderful thing. According to my iPhone app, I've saved $16.22 by not buying cigarettes. I have had a couple slip ups. I was cleaning my car and found a pack with two cigarettes in it. Do you think I threw them away. NOPE. You can bet your ass I smoked the shit out of those. The thing about Chantix is it does something, through the magic of Disney, and blocks the nicotine receptors in your brain so that you don't feel any of the goodness that comes from smoking a cigarette. So yes, did smoke the cigarettes, but really, I just felt like I was inhaling nasty tasting smoke. And, I got kind of bored. But, I still smoked them. Then, yesterday, after spending way to much time with the biggest trigger I have, my mother, I stopped at a 7-11. I wish places sold single cigarettes. I think they would make a killing. I didn't want to buy a pack of cigarettes and have an emergency stash. This just seemed like self sabotage to me. And yes, I get that it was self sabotage to be stopping for a smoke in the first place. I get it. Anyway, chick-a-dees, I bought one of those Swisher Sweet Cigar things. In case you don't know, the Swisher Sweet things are flavored cigars. They come in Cherry, Blueberry, Lemon and a whole assortment of fruity flavors. I had a friend who smoked one and I took a drag. It was NASTY. Anyway, back to my trigger point need of a smoke, I look at all the Swisher Sweet options and see one called Smooth Blak. I think "Great. Its probably not flavored. I'm in luck." I purchase said Smooth Blak and step outside to smoke my stress away. It was not fruity flavored, friend. Nope, that shit was black licorice flavored. Are you kidding me??? And I thought the Cherry one was awful. I took a couple drags and threw it away. But, c'mon, two and a half cigarettes in 5 days. That aint so bad.

I've also been eating right and tracking my food consumption. Steve the trainer would be so proud. Along with that I've been going to the gym. I'm feeling pretty good. And, I'm noticing the difference in how my clothes fit. This is always a good thing.

So, the quest to take care of me continues. At some point in time I hope to find me. He's got to be out there somewhere. My therapist told me to go to the gym and loose weight because I handled stress and seemed to be more in touch with myself when I was skinnier. I dont know if I was more in touch with myself, or just had something to hide behind. I guess we will see who I become this time.

175

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When did I give up on me?

I had some body fat testing done today and I was horrified. From where I was last year at this time to where I am now is incredible. My body fat is high, uncomfortably high. The clothes I really like to wear dont fit. I drink to much Coke and I smoke. As C asked "When did I give up on me?". The last year has been a mess, but it's time to stop using that as an excuse. It's time feel comfortable in my body. It's time to be happy again.

1.) Stop smoking. I started Chantix last week. You are supposed to continue to smoke for the first week you start taking Chantix. That week, for me, is up today. So, as of tomorrow I am smoke free.

2.) Regularly going to the gym. I stopped going to the gym for quite a while and then started going sporadically. Starting tomorrow, I will be back going every day.

3.) Eating healthy and tracking my nutrition. I started doing this on Monday.

I will be making regular posts to keep any interested reader updated.

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My list of things I wonder.

1.) Is it odd that the woman I took my cat, Bitch-face, to be groomed needed grooming herself? The woman shaves cats for a living, but seems unable to shave her face.

2.) Am I a heavy heart to carry?

3.) What should be my magnum opus?

The search

My list of things I am in love with

1.) Darren Criss. I find him wonderfully beautiful.

2.) 

Matt Nathanson. Great voice. Funny as all hell. And kind of cute.

3.)

Johnny Galecki. I've been watching Big Bang Theory and I am finding Leonard wonderfully charming and cute.

My list of things I am enjoying right now

1.) The insightfulness of my friend, Careen. Girl done told it like it is.  I love it.

2.) Being in my office. I was out of the office in floor support all last week, so being in the office enough to send a list out is fantastic.

3.) All things Bob Harper

 

4.) The fact that it is noon.

My list of things I want to share.

1.) This

I like the song, but I have been in the place that this song thinks of.  This kid, though, blew me away. 

2.) I watch American Idol. Not really ashamed to admit it.  I think I've made it clear that one of my favorite things to do is to watch people do something they excel at. Granted, there are people on Idol that I don't care for, but there are some really excellent singers. I think the kid above is one of them.

3.) At this point in my life I feel more lost... more adrift than I have ever felt before.

4.) I am still angry at him.

5.) I lonely.

My list of things I am feeling right now

1.) A wee bit scared.

2.) In awe.

3.) Tired.

4.) Was it to little, to late?

My list of things I have no sympathy for.

1.) Telling me you were arrested, but that you didnt think anything was wrong with selling those purses out of your trunk.  Really? REALLY?

2.) Telling me your heart can't take one more one night stand. There is a really easy way to not have another one night stand... bet you can guess what it is.

3.) Your money problems.  You refuse to get a real job because you must pursue your dream.  Well, chase it all you want, don't ask to borrow money from me.

4.) The state of your life.  Its time to grow up and be a big boy. Stop with the excuses.  Grow up. Live a life. 

My list of people I want to be.

1.) Meryl Streep from The Devil Wears Prada. I really want to be able to pull of all that attitude. 

2. Regina George

3.) Kinsey

4.) Someone who really and truely doesn't care.

5.) Someone who cares with everything they have.

My list of things that are annoying me right now.

1.) The network at work that plays havoc on my iPhone.

2.) Idiots who do not brew more coffee when they drink the last of it at 10 am.

3.) This odd mass amount of work I have to do and having no idea where to start.

4.)Pin trading withdrawls.

5.) Some idiot who is selling something online. Something that I want. And he is selling it for a RIDICULOUSLY outrageous price.

My list of things I am not ashamed to admit.

1.) I'm a Disney Pin trading nerd. The habit started ten or so years ago.  Now, I can't get enough.

2.) I love the Vampire Diaries.  I mean who wouldn't love looking at this

or this

or this

Hell, even the girl is pretty

It also doesn't hurt that I find the story pretty good too.

3.) I enjoy comic books enough to call them comic books, not graphic novels.

My list of things I learned today.

1.) Stella the Cat plays fetch.

2.) Mimi likes me enough to break her own rules.

3.)  I was dressed like I was ready to go to the rodeo.

My list of things Carolyn, the Brain Witch (Therapist) has said to me.

1.) "You life would be so much easier if you didn't mind-fuck everything into next Tuesday."

2.) "Jesus Christ, you can be such an asshole sometimes." This one was said while she buried her head in her hands.

3.) "You are behaving like all other narcissist behave, as a bottomless pit of self loathing."

4.)"Well, you don't have all of the qualities of someone with borderline personality disorder." I guess this means I have some of them.

5.) "You do surprisingly well in life for someone with a complete lack of empathy."