My list of things I want to do 

1.) See Tina Turner in concert. This woman is a she-ro of mine. Watch her concert DVD from her last concert tour. She was sixty years old. This woman is living proof that it is not about age, its about attitude. Plus, I've always enjoyed her music. I want to see her live. I hope she comes to Utah on her current tour... if not, I'll be going to see her.

2.) Visit New York City. I've never been. I would really like to go. It sounds like such a fantastic city. Nowhere close to my city by the bay... but still nice.

3.) Become friends with a celebrity.

4.) Get a milkshake... for no other reason than to just get a milkshake.

A list of your responses




1.) As an adult, yes, I get to choose what I want to do. This was the expected response. With age comes the maturity to make ones own decisions and then deal with what comes next.



2.) Split decision here. Most of you said even though I am an adult we, there are still things one must do. Hugging ones grandmother for example. Others of you said, If you dont want to, dont. I don't know what I choose yet. I'm having a hard time with my motivation for choosing not to hug my grandmother.



3.) I am running a race, but I'm the only one running it. Kimberly wins the award that most struck home to me. She said my brother and I are both running a race, but we are on different tracks. The tracks may be very close together, but we are running a different race. I've been thinking a lot about this race concept, and even though Kimberly compared it to Nascar, I'm taking it back to a foot race. When I originally asked the question, I was seeing my brother and I running a foot race with him always a half a lap ahead and I was never able to catch up. With the situation that I originally refered to, I saw myself closing that gap, even pulling ahead. But Kimberly got me a'thinkin'. All of a sudden, my brother was removed from my image of the race. There I was, out on the track, running as hard as I could to catch up to something that isn't even running. All of a sudden, Josh is alone on the track, running as hard as he could, to win a race that nobody else is running. This drove me to another thought, that really, the only person I'm racing is me. I haven't figured this all out yet... but I'm running to catch me. Those of you who "know" me, know I bring a bucket full of insecurities where ever I go... maybe stemming from the pins on the coat, who knows... but maybe this time, Im running just to beat me. Maybe I get to win the race, even if my brother finishes his race first.



4.) The velveteen rabbit says "Once you believe you're real, you get to be real." Maybe, just maybe, Careen and I will get to be real together some day.

My list of questions. 

This list is participatory. I would like answers or thoughts on the questions from you.

1.) In a few short weeks, I will turn 32 (and surprise, surprise, Kimberly... Im not freaking out about it). Over this 31st year of my life, I determined that I am an adult and as an adult I can choose what I want to do. I no longer, as a 32 year old, no longer will do things out of a sense of obligation or guilt. If I want to, I will. If I don't, I wont. Is this a correct thought? Have I earned the right to make up my mind and accept the consequences? Or, are there things, even as an adult, that I don't get a choice on?  You will suck it up and do it.

2.) Follow up to question one. My Grandmother expect a hug hello and a hug goodbye every time I see her. Up until recently, I've begrudgingly complied with this. We played the game of me being annoyed but still doing giving the hug and gets what ever satisfaction out of that. I do not want to be forced to give her, or anybody, a hug. If I want to hug, if I feel the hug is appropriate, I'll do it. If I don't want to hug, I wont. I feel I have earned the right to make this decision. My Grandmother feels, that after her 80 some odd years, that she has earned the right to be hugged every time I see her. Which one of us is correct? Is this one of those things that I don't get a choice on? I hug her hello and goodbye, I suck it and do it just because she is Grandmother?

3.) I have an older brother. For most of my life I have felt as though I lived squarely in his shadow. He always had the teachers in school before I did. Went to Jr. and High school before me. Drove before I did. I caused a bus accident because I didn't want to be behind him. I felt his shadow loom the largest and the coldest when it came to cub and boy scouts. Back when I was a cub and boy scout, when ever you received your merit badge (Wolf, Bear and the others for cub scouts and tenderfoot, life star, first class and eagle for boy scouts) your mother also received a small pin. My mother pinned her pins to her jacket which she wore with pride. My older brother always got the merit badges first and his pins on my mothers jacket were always on top. My pins were on the bottom... below his. My pins were never first. I gave up scouting all together when my brother received his Eagle Scout award. There was no need for me to continue. The race I was running with him was over. He had won. His eagle pin would be pinned on top. I gave up. I have felt his shadow across my life. Recently, I started another race with him. A race that I thought I had a chance to win. I was going to get "there" first. He does not know we are racing... its only in my brain. Last night he told me that he got farther in the race than I ever have. He didn't finish it yet, but he is closer than I. Once again, his "pin" will get pinned on top. Should I be jealous or happy for him? Should I let it go? How can I stop running the race?

My list of things I am excited about.

1.) Toy Story 3. I went to see this this weekend and it done be good ya'll. And... I cried. Correction... I sobbed. The movie was incredibly touching. Its a good thing I had those 3D glasses on... because I looked a mess.

2.) BattleStar Galactica. I know, I know. I've said, quite often, how much I love the BSG. But the episode I watched yesterday... HOL-EE SHIT. I was stressed out. And now, I have to wait a whole week before I can see the continuation. WHOA!!!! I don't know that I can make it.

3.) Pam being a regular on TrueBlood. Oh my GAWD, Pam!!!! "Lets go to the girls room and stare at ourselves in the mirror." I love Pam.

4.) 4 weeks. Four more weeks!!!

My list of wedding musts!!!

1.) You must have a wedding rehearsal. This is a full dress rehearsal folks.  Not dinner or lunch that we are going to label a wedding rehearsal. You are going to do a full walk through of the wedding ceremony... in FULL dress so you that you can catch and correct things like your bridesmaid wearing wedge shoes. Not acceptable... put your comfortable, but ugly and casual shoes back in the closet. Weddings are not about comfort. Or, you'll be able to find out/hear when the mother of the bride is wearing a backless sandal shoe with a fat heel which sounds horse-like as she trots her way down the aisle.  We don't need a fruckin' Clydesdale to escort the groomsman down the aisle. Seriously, dress rehearsals are a must.

2.) If you choose to have a minister, pastor, bishop or other religious official officiate your ceremony, they must NOT use that opportunity to preach or give a sermon.  This person is there to be the official at the ceremony. They should not be giving any kind of sermon... at all. Period. 

3.) Bridesmaids dresses MUST match the groomsman's vests. Why does this confuse people?

4.) On a similar note, the bridesmaids flowers MUST match the brides bouquet. Obviously, the flowers and bouquet need not be identical, but they should have similar flowers. Why is this hard for people to grasp.

5.) If you choose to have your wedding outside, and you choose to have the wedding later in the day so that your guest do not bake up nicely in the noon day sun, do NOT have them face west so they stare nicely in to the sun. 

My list of things I don't like.

1.) Looking up/ facebook stalking a man I have a crush on only to see he is a fan of The Book of Mormon. WTF!!!

2.) The fact that people can become fans of The Book of Mormon. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm all about everybody finding their own way to enlightenment. And, if how you get there is through a holy book, more power to you... but to be a fan of it... on Facebook... just seems wrong to me. You are a fan of a foot ball team... or an author... or actor... but a fan of a sacred holy document... seems weird and bad. And I don't think Jesus cares... nor appreciates.

3.) An idiot psuedo-friend that I had in high school who wrote his summer book report on The Book of Mormon. REALLY? Like The Book of Mormon is a book that needs you to write up how you felt about its prose and how in depth its character development was. Really? Sacred holy document, folks. Lets offer it some respect.  Oh and guess what, Danny, I don't think Jesus cared about your display. P.S. I'm happy to report his book report received an F.

4.) Anybody who interprets this list as anti- mormon or anti The Book of Mormon. Its not. I just happen to feel The Book of Mormon, if you believe in it, deserves more respect then to be tossed up on Facebook for people to be fans of.

5.) Waiting until July 27, 2010.

My list of things I am not looking forward to:

1.) My upcoming dinner date. No, D'Nell, I'm not talking about you.

2.) Waiting 5 more weeks.

3.) Training tomorrow.  The thought of it is bugging me right at this moment.

4.) Another day of looking at that damn website.

As a reminder...

my birthday is coming up.                

My list things I should say but don't.

1.) "You aren't any better off.  You are still rearranging your life to meet his needs. All you are doing now, is lying to him... but you are lying to him to protect his ego. And why are you protecting his ego... so he will call you... and you can still pretend he is in love with you."

2.) "I think, one day, far from now, we will be better friends."

3.) "I don't want to continue. I think I've grown all I can with you.  Its time to move on."

4.) "This might be all that you are."

5.) "This was a good year. Thanks"

My list of things that I heart

1.) My small little group of 9 friends that I get to play with on Thursday and Sunday evenings. They don't know it... but I heart them.

2.) The cute guy who flirted with me as he drew my blood today. It done made me feel sexy ya'll.

3.) My cute sister. Tis her birthday tomorrow. Don't ask me how old... I really have no idea.

4.) A blue ball full of glitter. It bounces and rolls and breaks things....but I heart it none the less.

My list of things I wanna do with Michael.

1.) Shoot s'more Zombies. That was fun. I'm pretty shitty at shootin' zombies... but I had a good time.

2.) Read his cards, again. I don't know if he enjoyed it... but I was on that day. ON... and I was a'feelin it.

3.) Spend a weekend with him and the rest of our friends at my family's cabin.

4.) Get drunk with him. I know he doesn't drink... at all... but I think Michael would be Hi-larious to get drunk with.

5.) Send him today's real list.

My list of recent Glee disappointments


1.) Will Shuester (or however you spell it). Seriously... he done be an ass hole and boring... but... Matt Morrison.. are you kidding.

















Oh yes... I will tell him something good.

2.) Themes. I am not a girl that likes a theme. You don't have to hit me so hard in the face to get me to get "it". I'll probably just figure it out. Enough of the themes.



3.) Pokerface. Of all the songs Leah and Idina could have sung together they choose Pokerface. Harken back to I dreamed a Dream the week before... and then you will realize the great let down that is Pokerface.

My list of things I am excited for

1.) Milkshakes with a good friend. The reasons for the milkshakes are never good... but that chats always are. This one sounds like a doozy.

2.) Glee party with Keri.

3.) 95 badges and a shiny new hat.

4.) The month of June. This means only 7 more weeks until I go back.

5.) Idol is over. Now I will have those few other weeknights to myself.  And this is a great thing.
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